Women Don't Need Marriage, But They Do Need a Man: Eat, Pray, Love

Back when the film Eat, Pray, Love was first released, I read an article in an issue of Entertainment Weekly on why it was some people disliked the book (this was the particular edition). I was interested because I am one of those people who did not appreciate Elizabeth Gilbert's memoir on a year of travels. However, as I read the article, I found myself incredibly frustrated. Supposedly so many people disliked the book because it was written by a woman for women, and the United States is against all things "women." Now, I am not writing this to say whether or not it's true that this is a man's world, as my views on the subject would be incredibly complicated and have nothing to do with film. This is to say that often times books and films that actually claim the tagline, "I am woman, hear me roar" end up reproducing a similar female stereotype that we are running from.

Exhibit A is the film and book of Eat, Pray, Love. Elizabeth Gilbert is a woman who has lived her entire life under the idea that, as a woman, she is supposed to be selfless. After realizing that this got her into a marriage with a man who wants a life she doesn't (children, settling down), she divorces her husband, starts a relationship with a younger man, then leaves that man to spend a year traveling to Italy, India, and Indonesia to find herself and do whatever it is she wants to do. She embraces the culture (including the food) in Italy, embraces spirituality in India, and falls in love in Indonesia.

To begin with, as a reader/viewer, I disagree with Gilbert's decision to get divorced. As far as I can tell she never actually discussed the differences in desire with her husband. It seems as though she realizes she wants to continue traveling and wait to have children (possibly NEVER have children), thinks about it, and decides to get a divorce. I never recall reading or seeing a moment in which she turns to her husband and says, "I'm not ready to have children and I may never be ready to have children." This does not give him the option of saying, "Okay, well, we can work through this. Let's talk about it." It doesn't give the option for BOTH of them to make compromises. Divorcing because a marriage is unhappy shouldn't be an option. As far as I can tell, marriage is a lot of work and involves constant communication. There will be good days, there will be bad days, but the key is in working your butt off to make it work. There is no room for selfishness in marriage, whether male or female, and until people begin to realize that, we will still have the depressing statistic that half of all marriages end in divorce. I see no reason in raising up Gilbert's name for the fact that she stood up for what she wanted when she never seemed to give her husband the option to meet her halfway...and she didn't seem willing to meet him halfway. All or nothing decisions in a relationship will be death to a relationship and everyone needs to stop it now.

However, that is not how this book is a terrible representation for women standing up for themselves. I state the book, because what I am about to say is more true of the book than the film. The film had to cut down a lot, which means we do not see as much of the Gilbert that seems to hate everything about her life as we do in the book. Let me tell you, it is rough. There were pages I read where she complained about the hardships of her divorce or the fact that she left the man she loved behind and I wanted to remind her that she was in Italy and should go see the beauty around there, because it is a beautiful country. Gilbert decides at the beginning of her travels that she is going to spend that year in abstinence so that she can fully learn to love herself. She then spends two thirds of the novel complaining about everything going on in her life. The complaining doesn't stop until Indonesia, where she meets a man, they have sex, and fall in love. The experiment she had to find happiness without a man failed and she ultimately decided that the importance was finding happiness with the right man. And yet we applaud Gilbert for being a woman who is able to find peace by herself. I did not read it.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on the subject. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Gilbert really is outstanding and it really is the story of a woman roaring. Or maybe I'm correct and we should start speaking more about films like Hard Candy or Kill Bill or Winter's Bone or Enough. Now THOSE are some strong women who need no man. (What films did I miss?)